The next time somebody pushes more security on you — while making you pay for it — and you say, “yeah, it’s a hassle but it’s for our own safety,” immediately drop to the floor and give me 20! Push-ups, that is. After that, go wash your mouth out with soap and slap yourself silly.

Ever so slowly, bit by sneaky bit, the Soccer Mom Proviso is lowering all of us into an ove-the-top security nightmare, from where it will be impossible to escape. Here in Whistler, we are privileged to have a temporary preview.

If we did not know before what a $900 million security budget would buy us, we sure as beans do now. Try, a cop on every corner an all-weather, nighttime vision, 360-degree pan and tilt camera with facial recognition software on every fence, and camera platforms mounted on helicopters, and a blimp for that all-important look into your bedroom.

Yeah, I know, I watch primetime TV as well, so I know that there is a perv behind every tree and a hajji in every backyard. But you know what? Life is full of little disappointments. How about we collectively get over it?

Am I saying there is too much security around these Olympics? Well, yes, of course there is. But you know what? It is very hard to get an accounting from the security establishment because it’s all about the “wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more” factor, which by its very nature comes without hard evidence to back it up. I mean, these guys could pass an ordinance against whistling past the graveyard and you would never know why. Security directive 6FtBlo might very well be based on a usually well-informed source reporting suspicious activity in the area. The fact that the source was nighttime graveyard security guard and wannabe RCMP officer Joe Knackerell, who has a file as a long as my arm, supplying a virtual anthology of nighttime cemetery hijinks is besides the point. A report was a made, a directive issued, more security hired and so please, refrain from whistling around here.

Yes, it’s a good thing to have excellent outside-perimeter security. It would be a laugh to watch those Toronto 18 bunglers trying to infiltrate the area past our Canadian army cordon — although I’ll bet a bunch of battle-hardened al-Qaida fighters or similar bad guys would give you a good run for your money if they were to decide to hike in from Lillooet Lake. The chances that would happen? Well, the trouble is that it’s not zero, hence our army boys and girls in the forest.

What happens inside the perimeter is a whole different ballgame, though and here is something to get your inner soccer mom shaking in her boots. There no hope in hell of stopping a lunatic with a baggie of anthrax or botulism from walking in. All the cops on the street, all the fences and the cameras and all the mag and bag machines aren’t going to stop a determined madman.

What can you do? Stop letting this potential madman scare the piss out of you and stop the security wonks from doing the same thing! Watch the kids race down the hill, have the party and live the dream. It’ll all be over soon enough.